The following VERY LONG POST is brought to you directly from the LiveJournal of The Magic Rat. She is a veteran writer [link] who has suffered her share of Trolls (like the one currently stalking in a desperate bid for attention after reporting Red to DA) and has learned the hard way how to defend against said monsters.

The Magic Rat is possibly the wisest, most life-experienced woman I know, and I hope to someday be as wise as she is.

Without further ado, posted in its entirety without changing a thing, is The Magic Rat's Public Service Announcement on How To Defeat Trolls.

(re-posted with kindest permission)

Trolls.

We've all met one, we've all had one, and if you haven't then give it time, one will crop up. They're like that guy we slept with that we would never admit we slept with - lurking in the background, leaving a sense of unease, and waiting until the new boyfriend shows up so he can pop out of the bushes to mortify us. They are the little creepy guy at the work place whom we strongly suspect beats their kids and molests their dog but they're careful enough to avoid tripping too many alarms so we don't call the cops. They seldom go away without a fight, and sadly sometimes we are forced to leave places and people we love as a result of them.

I have recently seen a number of talented, intelligent, lovely people who are gems in the crown of their fandom be forced into a corner as a result of some of the sickest and most vicious trolls ever; one of whom had the unmitigated sick cold audacity to actually attack one of them for being a widow. It doesn't get any lower than that, and you're talking to someone who survived House of Feanor. (Hah? Who'zat? I'll tell ya all about it some day.)

The point is these cave-dwelling snot-wads seem to be multiplying as of late, and they are hurting people I care about. So I'm reaching into my Finnish Book of Necromantic Spells and summoning forth my own personal troll-banning spells; stuff I've learned over the years to keep them away. You can check my LJ long and hard; they don't come near me, and the scant handful that do never last more than a day or two. So gather 'round the Rat's chair, children, I'll tell you what I know in the hopes of banishing some of these DSL-wrecking trash heaps.

Most human beings, now matter how dysfunctional we may be, have been raised to behave a certain way in public and with strangers. This has been so ingrained into us that often when we are confronted with someone who desperately needs to be flogged with a used diaper we hold our tongues. This doesn't make us weak or cowardly, it makes us social beings that have been conditioned to function in a social way. We have to be able to interact with other in a reasonable manner. It makes our lives easier, and keeps the cops from hauling us away to a special form of summer camp for kids who can't behave themselves.

Enter the troll.

Trolls not only know and understand this - they count on it. It is the platform on which their miserable existences depend. They attack us from this vantage point, knowing most people would rather walk away. Don't fool yourself into thinking they have no understanding of social restraints; they not only understand it fully, they know how to use it against us. Our parents, messed up as they may have been, did in their own way want us to be able to get along in life. They told us be nice, walk away, sticks and stone may break our bones, (what a load of crap that one was) so by the time we are unleashed like fry trout into the endless river that is the intranet, we are well conditioned to interact with the average human being.

Silly us.

The first step in dealing with these ass hats is to understand this is not just another social interaction. This is someone so vile, dried up, pathetic and useless that the only way they can manage an orgasm while watching their dog get it on with an inflatable sheep is to hurt you. Don't step back and ask yourself what you did because you haven't done anything. These are the people whose lives peaked in high school and they know it's all down hill from here, and they don't want to go down alone. They think that trashing other people and destroying things makes them powerful and important. They are so out of control and terrified in their petty meagre existences that flinging crap like a caged chimp is their only way of feeling like their lives aren't a total waste, which of course they are. So dry your eyes. This is not your fault. And I'm gonna tell you what to do about it.

RULE ONE

Get mad. Get good and f//guitar riff//ing angry. Get livid. Take every single crappy thing that has ever happened to you that you would have happily beaten someone's head in for and draw on it. Then make friends with your inner Eric Cartman, Sephiroth, Morgoth, or William Murderface and aim that bucket of rage and dirty words dead at the troll. And don't forget to throw in your personal opinions. If you think this jack-off is bothering you because they're a homophobe, call them on it. If you think they're there because they're a thirteen year old snot, call them on it. Don't keep it to yourself. CALL THEM ON IT. Trolls turn to stone in daylight. They like to think they are sneaky and clever when in truth they are about as subtle as a cabbage roll fart during oral sex. Let them know you're on to them.

RULE TWO

Don't defend - offend. Once you start backing up to try and justify yourself, you're done. They've got you off balance and they'll keep after you. No matter what they say to you, don't let yourself get distracted. This isn't about anything you have done, either intentionally or not. Some people back off because they think "Well I did do this or that bad thing so I can't talk." Uh... yeah, you can. Ain't NONE of us perfect, but even if you were Mother Theresa these sniffers of dirty bicycle seats would find a flaw with you. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. This is about THEM and THEIR problems. So even if you've done a couple things you're less than proud of, and boy I know I've got a list, do not let them force you into the defensive position. They can't hurt you with anything you own.

Troll: "OMG HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT AFTER WHAT YOU DID OVER AT YADDA YADDA!"

You: "YEAH I DID THAT OVER AT YADDA YADDA BUT THAT DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO GO AFTER ME FOR THIS!"

Kinda takes the wind out of their sails.

RULE THREE

Copy and paste EV-ER-Y-THING. Trolls can't stand daylight. They launch sneak attacks then delete so no one can confirm who did and said what. The moment the crap starts - archive it. Keep copies of emails. If it is an LJ post, select and copy it then paste it into a word document. That not only saves what they said but it will also save the little banner with their name and icon on top so that everyone can see who said what. They can't make something out to be your fault if you have concrete proof of what they have said. And do not be afraid to hit the ban button. It's there for just such an event.

RULE FOUR

Avoid troll-infested areas. Let's face it; there are sites that are nothing but troll breeding grounds. Don't go there, you are just setting yourself up for a lot of garbage. There are plenty of places to post your art and stories inhabited by humans. Go there.

"But I want to be read/have my art seen!"

Hey, speaking as someone who wants to be a famous writer some day, I am totally in favour of shameless self-promotion. But if you are posting your work in a known troll-zone then you're not being read, just mocked and attacked. And the people the trolls send your way will just be more trolls. No one is giving your work a fair shake. They are just there to make you feel like dirt and drive you as far down as they can. Once it reaches the point where you are so demoralized that you leave, they have won. Never underestimate the power of a small well-worn lurking ground. I post here and at a meagre handful of communities, and I average a very large number of pieces of feedback per post. Except for Gryphons which has Moth and Mad. Believe me, if you have talent, the bums will put themselves in the seats without you having to chase them.

"Well if I am being flamed then I must be doing something right!"

BZZZZT! Wrong! Being flamed does not mean you are witty or controversial or cutting edge or any of that. These people would flame you if you were Tolkien. It's just what they do. Sorry hon. Feedback is for people, flames are for burgers. And if for some reason you like being flamed, well go forth and have fun but keep in mind it doesn't make you Salman Rushdie. It just makes you moderately odd.

Well that's it from me. I hope you found this helpful and informative. Remember fandom is supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to hurt.